i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
