She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
