She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can you bring me the toilet please
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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