Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
