I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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