You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
