My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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