The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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