apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
