i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
