i always forget guys have bellybuttons
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
