no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
