Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
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We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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