Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
