i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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