So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.