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im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
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