I can text with my tongue
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you