Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
you win again, gameday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom