I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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