I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!