Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard