..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
