What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
