I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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