I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
