i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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