The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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