I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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