I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
