The police scanner is talking about you again....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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