In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
