My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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