dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
