He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
