I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
