so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
