Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
