so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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