this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
