i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
