You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
