after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
