naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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