I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
