time to smoke my breakfast
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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