I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
