I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
