Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
