When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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