Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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