The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
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She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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