she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
