I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
