I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize