Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
