So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
