ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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