The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
