All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
