last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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