Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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