Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
