I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
