May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
