I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
