if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
