She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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