Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
