hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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