we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
