Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
