Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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