A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
