I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
